Shane Kroetsch

Dark and Introspective Fiction

writing

The “Why I’m So Tired” Update

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This is a bit of a long post for me, but it’s been a while, so I want to get everyone caught up and share some gratitude.

In October, I posted two episodes of Stories from the Dark to celebrate the spookiest of months, including a story titled The Devil that is exactly 666 words long. I also had an amazing opportunity to be interviewed on The Writers’ Block with Mike Deregowski. We talked all about how I love to scratch a pencil against a piece of yellow-lined paper to calm the voices in my head. It was made more special as it aired on Halloween morning. In case you missed it, you can find it on the Sound Sugar Radio website, look for episode 51. Thank you again, Mike!

November is National Novel Writing Month (NaNoWriMo) which means ALL THE WRITING. This year I’m participating in an unofficial manner. That means no to-do list, no weird projects, only writing, plotting, and editing. I’ve teamed up with a few other members of the Alexandra Writers’ Centre Society in a sort of accountability group. The goal is not word count, but to write every day, and to support each other in the process. I’m only keeping up with one of these things, and even there I’m struggling.

I finished the first week at just under 8,000 words. Not bad. I’m already behind on my current work-in-progress, and now it’s looking like it will be shorter when finished than I hoped. These things are renting a lot of space in my head, which slows down the whole process even more. The current bright spot in my writing life is a short story I’m working on to submit to Pulp Kings Eight from Stray Books. So far, it’s come together quick, and the edit is going well. Good thing because the deadline is this Saturday.

Speaking of submitting stories, I have exciting news in that regard. Late last year, my story Identity was accepted for publication in WonderShift, the Alexandra Writers’ Centre Society’s 40th Anniversary Anthology.

This past Friday, I got to read Identity in front of a room full of actual people! I am beyond honoured to be included with many other talented local writers and poets. I speak about it as often as I can, but community in any creative endeavour is important. Unfortunately, I’m terrible at making these connections because I’m tired and cranky most of the time and would rather hide from the world, but I am grateful to be a part of this wonderful group, even in a small way.

Identity isn’t the only story I’ve had accepted recently. Lampblack Books put out a call for submissions earlier in the year for their new anthology, The Planchette Vol. 1, and my story Remember was accepted! The launch was postponed due to health restrictions, but I know the Lampblack team is working hard on getting the anthology ready for release. I’ll update as soon as I know more.

I understand how fortunate I am to have had these opportunities come my way this year, but they weren’t always my focus. When I started my writing journey, a huge part of my goal as a creative freight train was to show that anyone can do the things I do. We can all follow our dreams, even if the steps we take are small. The potential for this hit me hard at the WonderShift launch on Friday when I looked down at the book sale table,

Yes, so many amazing books by local authors and poets, plus, mine are there too. But that’s not all.

I started Pencil on Paper late in 2018 so I could publish my books. I had no idea what I was doing but was fortunate to have close friends that were able to help me bring my very specific visions to life. When I left my day job early in 2019, I convinced one of those friends, the one and only Kaleigh Kanary, to jump on board to help me grow the business and truly live our best creative lives. Wonder Twin powers, activate!

Nothing looks the same today as it did three years ago, that goes without saying. Out of all the bullshit and loss we’ve had to put up with, here’s something positive to focus on, something that inspires me more than I can put into words.

In the last three years, Kaleigh has created seven published or soon to be published book covers (shown in the picture above are Uncommon Grounds by The Espresso Poetry Collective, WonderShift, and the two with my name on them). She completed her Professional Editing Certificate from Mount Royal University and has, to date, finished five full book edits. She has designed websites, created all of PoP’s marketing materials, and a million social media posts. If asked, she’ll say she isn’t a poet. If you go to her website, kaleighkanary.com, you’ll see that she most certainly is. She is a testament to what throwing a middle finger up to what society says we should be, and following your heart, can look like.

I’m sharing this with you as more than an example of what is possible. I want to be very clear that while I am the dancing monkey in this publishing endeavour, the entity playing the organ is Pencil on Paper, and Pencil on Paper is a team. I am grateful to be Kaleigh’s business partner and proud to be her friend. This journey hasn’t always been easy, but I know when I look back it will have been worth it.

Thank you for following along. Until next time, I hope you are well.

Shane

Three Things I Learned Writing Surviving the Storm

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I wrote the first words of what would become Surviving the Storm almost five years ago. During that time, the lessons have been many, and the learning curve steep. With the task of navigating my first series being much closer to the end than the beginning, I wanted to take the opportunity to share a little something about the experience. Here are three things that I’ve learned along the way that I hope to always carry with me.

The world is a confusing and scary place. Move forward with respect.

People suck. We’re territorial and opportunistic. We go out of our way to be terrible to each other. Our own systems and cultures are built around inequality and greed. I want to say you need only look to our past for proof, but truth be told, the present isn’t a whole lot better. That being said, I believe the opportunity for positive change has never been greater.

One such opportunity revolves around the path to reconciliation for Canada’s Indigenous population. I’m doing what I can to understand how we got here and what I can do to be better moving forward. In the spirit of inclusion, I wanted to create a home for something positive. That’s when I found Mati.

As one of the two protagonists of Surviving, I was excited to tell her story, and show the world how strong she is. I used one of the most poignant scenes from the book for a project that paired local artists and writers in a collaboration of creativity. Mati shared a story that her grandmother told her. It was a story that gave her hope for the future. I loved the message, and what it brought to the novel.

Sometime after, I read a book called Elements of Indigenous Style, and it changed everything. It helped me to understand Indigenous culture in a way that I had never been shown before. I wanted to do the right thing, so I reached out to The Nation where Mati’s family would have come from with the intention of starting a discussion about how best to represent her. I never heard back, but as it turns out, that may have been a stroke of luck. Another point made in the book that took a little time to sink in, is that Mati’s story, especially the parts relating to history and origin, are not mine to tell.

I saw no other way forward, so I changed Mati’s background. I made sure certain details still fit from a cultural perspective, but that culture, for better or worse, is no longer showcased in the story. Maybe the line between being inclusive and telling a story that is not your is narrow, and maybe it’s not. What I do know is that I regret putting the first version of that story out into the world. It weighs on me now, and likely will until senility finds me.

I write characters of all ages, backgrounds, and orientations. That doesn’t mean I’m comfortable putting up a billboard with flashing lights to advertise the fact. Whether that’s the right decision, only time will tell. For the moment, I prefer to stay in my lane while I learn and understand so I can move forward with respect.

Don’t be afraid to burn it down and start again.

I’m no <insert your favourite writer here>, but I’m getting better. I see it with each project I finish, especially this one. I still have a lot to learn, though. The road ahead is long. Longer than I sometimes want to admit.

A year ago, I thought Surviving was in good shape. I planned on publishing it last November. Then I attended, my first When Words Collide writing festival. Long story short, it became clear I had started the story in the wrong spot, so I cut the first 3,000 words. A bunch of other issues were brought up as well. The plot had some room for improvement, so I brought in the Alex character. The book was headed in a better direction, but in the back of my mind, a few minor details worried me.

Earlier this year, I put the manuscript out for feedback. An avid reader new to The Storm series came back with a long list of it. This turned out to be both wonderful and disappointing. Disappointing only in the way that it confirmed the concerns I had, and how much more work it required. I fine-tuned Mati’s character, and took Alex from a meek government employee to a troubled anti-hero who not only helps push Surviving forward, but will transform the next installment in the series, Chasing the Storm.

No, it hasn’t been easy. Maybe if I had written it all in one go, if it wasn’t a jumbled pile of starting and stopping, it would have come together easier. Maybe doesn’t matter here. I was given what I was given, and it’s my job to make it the best it can be. Sometimes, it doesn’t matter how much work you’ve put into a piece, if it doesn’t fit, then it needs to go. Have the courage to realize it and keep going.

You can only do what you can do.

It’s not easy finding time to write and publish books with a growing family and a full-time job, especially a job that continues to take most of my time and energy. I’m not looking for sympathy, this is all my choice. If you can call it a choice. I don’t mean to be over-dramatic, but some days it seems to be the only thing that keeps me going.

I’m finicky about a lot of things in life. Meeting deadlines and keeping my word are high on the list. This means I do what I say, even if it’s harmful to my physical or mental well-being. It’s possible I’m coming around, though. Perhaps it’s the years of saying I need to take better care of myself, or the pandemic is changing what I’m willing to give, but I’m moving at a different speed these days. The fact that I’m only human is beginning to settle in as fact.

That’s nice, you say. Everyone can take better care of themselves, but what’s your point? The point is, I’ve decided to push back the launch date of Surviving the Storm. It needs a little more polish, and as much as I’m still coming around to the fact that nothing is perfect, I need this to be as close as it can be for where I’m at in my writing journey. I have a tentative launch date set, but I want to do this right for once, so look out for the official announcement coming soon.

 In the meantime, here’s to facing the future with an open mind and an open heart. I hope you are safe and well.

***

Things You Do When You Can’t Leave the House, and Why Beta Readers Are So Important.

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Where did the last two months go?

I suppose for many it was spent being anxious and confused. Figuring out how to fill your day when you can’t leave the house. Deciding what is acceptable and what isn’t when you do. Wondering how we maintain connections when it’s not okay to hug someone you love. Trying to maintain some semblance of mental health in a world that is full of things to be afraid of.

Because I’m lucky enough to still have a job, I’ve spent a lot of my time working. In between, making sure the kids are keeping up with their online schooling and aren’t going crazy because they haven’t seen their friends in person since March. I’ve also spent a lot of time trying to look through the haze of an uncertain future to figure out what the new normal will look like. How much PPE will I have to wrap myself in to go to a concert? Will going out to my favourite restaurant still be a relaxing and enjoyable experience? How do I sell books about a pandemic, when we’re all living in one?

That time spent looking forward hasn’t been productive. I wrapped myself up in the what-ifs, the fear, and the business of writing was set aside.

Setting aside the things that feed your soul is never a good thing. It leaves pace for unhealthy distraction. At least it does for me.

Things started in a positive enough direction. I organized my office, built a new storage unit that I’m excited about, and I put together a shelf for all things spoopy.

Then bikes happened. I helped a friend find a new bike because they wanted to get back into riding. I finished up a 3-speed conversion on my wife’s bike too.

Next I started planning improvements to my 1942 CCM Rambler, and my Raleigh DL-1.

Then I found a beach cruiser frame for cheap on one of the three buy & sell groups I check every fifteen minutes or so. I justified the purchase by planning to build it up using the pile of parts in the shed. That day I came home with the frame, but also a parts bike to help complete it, and another bike meant to be a parts bike for the Rambler.

Because there isn’t much I won’t do for my people, I started finding and fixing bikes for other friends. I’m sure you can see where this is going. There is nothing but bikes. I currently have eleven of them in the garage.

The amount of time I was allocating to planning the builds alone was excessive. I overwhelmed myself in an overwhelming time. So, last week I smartened up and made the decision to set them all aside. Not forever, but for now. My goal is to finish up the three friend projects this weekend and get rid of two or three others as-is. Then, all going well, I can get back to the business of writing.

Trust me, I’ve got a lot of writing to do. I had big plans to publish three books this year. Even outside of a pandemic, the enormity of this has recently sunk in. It’s not just the amount of work, it’s that I want to put out the best work I can for where I’m at in my writing journey. This is where my gratitude for, and honest belief in beta readers comes from.

In case you’re not familiar with the term, a beta reader is someone who reads your finished manuscript for feedback. In April, I sent out Surviving for that purpose. Much of what I got back was very positive. A few very important issues were raised though. Once said out loud, the concerns that have been in the back of my mind for months and years were now made clear. I saw the holes. I saw where it was lacking. And so, for the second time in about a year, I’m blowing it up. Two key characters are changing. I’ve found ways to speed up the action, to introduce new conflict, and bring some interesting things forward to the third installment, Chasing the Storm.

I have a lot of work to do, and at least in the beginning, I was excited about it. The problem is, regardless of chosen distractions, life will always put obstacles in our path. Pandemics, jobs, and family obligations. All I can do is set my intention, narrow my focus, and get to it.

Pandemics, Real and Imagined

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Image via @mcpheeceo

Any rational human being should be able to look at their life and say,

“You know what, that thing scares me a little, I think I’ll stay away from it.”

Apparently, I’m not rational. I’m also terrible at taking my own advice, choosing to run toward my fears instead of away from them.

I don’t know when or where zombies became such a problem for me. It’s like one day, poof, the mere thought of them keeps me up at night. I’ve never been one to watch them on TV, movies, or read about them in books, with one notable exception, that being World War Z. Oh wait, there’s the Resident Evil movies too. Anyway, like I was saying…

In this instance, I took it one step further. I didn’t just indulge; I wrote a damn book about them. On top of that, they’re not just zombies, they’re pathogen zombies, so it’s like a pandemic. My timing is either perfect, or it’s crap. I guess we’re about to find out. For one, I’m hoping people are looking for something to read in between searching the land for toilet paper.

I’m pretty sure this story has been told before, but let’s take it from the top. Near the end of 2014, as far as my shitty memory can recall, a storm hit the east coast of Canada and the US that threaten to ruin a lot of people’s day. Flights were cancelled and in New York, a curfew set in place. Because I’m the paranoid type, I immediately began to ponder what it might be covering up. The real storm was a bit of a dud. The storm that started to build in my mind, at least to me, was something much more interesting.

Unfortunately, it got a bit messy from there. I started the story, then set it aside. I picked it up for Nanowrimo the year after, then set it aside again. My intention was to publish it along with a collection of short stories before the end of 2017. It turned out that the storm story wasn’t nearly ready, and self-publishing was a little more involved than I thought, so I focused on the collection. That was published a year ago February, and you would think that would give me all sorts of time to get the novel done. Like I mentioned in the beginning, here is where life took some turns on me that I hadn’t anticipated.

A job that I wasn’t super fond of started making me miserable, but I got packaged off. Hooray, right? I decided to drag my best friend onto the creative freight train. Hooray again! So many good ideas! Then life gave me the middle finger and whole new challenges stood in my way. Somewhere in the mess, I decided to make the original Storm novel book two of a three-part series, and I wrote what is now known as Into the Storm.

Into came fairly quick. I tend to focus on how shitty human beings are and explore that in my work, but it’s dark in ways that I haven’t written about before. I was pretty impressed with the first draft but going back to it after a couple of weeks I saw that it needed a lot of work. I believe the words I used were, “this is garbage.” So, I did what is becoming my process, I moved things around by millimetres until I was happy enough with it to push it out into the world. That time is now. Here’s a fun little teaser that we put together for it.

But wait, there’s more. Book two, Surviving the Storm, will be released in three months. Book three, Chasing the Storm, will arrive two months after that. Seems a little crazy, right? Welcome to being me. I will readily admit that it’s a lot to deal with, but I’ve been given a chance to take a shot, and I’m going to take it.

Regardless of everything else going on, I’m proud of the final product. I’m proud that the vision Kaleigh and I have been working on is finally bearing fruit. All going well, this is just the beginning.

Not that I want to dwell on it, but the world is a scary and confusing place right now. If you’re isolating, or just need to get away from things for a bit, I know of a good ebook or two you should check out…

Into the Storm

This and That but Mostly the Other

Until next time, stay safe and well.

Making Old Things Better

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I told myself growing up that I wouldn’t be someone who is busy all the time. I’m here to tell you I failed.

I have a talent for coming up with make-work projects. Cars, guitars, bikes, and repurposing random things into furniture. Books fall into this category as well, but more on that later. My list of projects has been shrinking of late, but I’m sure I’ll come up with more soon.

The latest build came about because I wanted a new corner shelf near the entrance of the house. I’ve built a couple other crate shelves before, but this time wanted to try something different. We found the crates at Ikea. Because they need to be assembled, I thought it would be easier to refinish. I have a quick and easy refinish method that has become my go-to. Paint, distress, stain, and poly. For most projects, it’s a straightforward process. This was not one of those times. It was a pain because of all the slats and nooks and crannies. When we finished, I swore I would never do this again, but I’ve said that before. When it came time to assemble, I wasn’t happy with simply backing them into the corner, so I came up with an arrangement that I think works well. Once in place, washers and bolts run through the slats keep it together and minimise the worry about it shifting or tipping. The finishing touches came from all over the house. The J is in memoriam of my mother-in-law, Jane Arams.

The books came from my Paternal Grandma. She joined a book club in the 50’s and recently decided to pass them along. The camera is something I picked up at a garage sale years ago, but it shows my appreciation for photography and old things.

I purchased the log vase about a year ago, but it never really found a home, until now. The sunflowers are for my wife, Alicia, because they are her favourite flower.

The side tables I built last year were more straight forward. The wood came from the attic of an old shed on my Maternal Grandma’s property as we were readying it for sale. After moving our main floor living room around, I knew we needed some sort of table for coffee cups and books as we sit by the fire, and of course I would rather build than buy. They aren’t perfect, like most things in life, but that in itself reminded me of a few things. Slow down, pay attention, and eventually, things will get better.

My desk was the project that started this whole situation off. I’m not sure how I got the idea, but after finding a pommel horse for free on the local buy and sell, I tore it down and made a plan. It doesn’t get used as much as it should, I tend to sit down on the couch and do much of my work and writing in front of the TV, but it’s something I’m proud to say that I made. It’s unique, and functional, which to me is a win-win.

The anniversary of my first self-published effort is fast approaching. It was intended to be practice for my first novel, but as that project blew up into something more complex, a lot of time has passed, and I find myself more than a little out of practice. At least that’s what the anxiety is telling me. Somewhere along the line I decided to put together a companion, a short-short compilation. After realizing the amount of work I was creating, another project on top of a number of other projects, I decided to add the new stories to the original compilation. The book now benefits from new and better stories, a refined edit, and a few small tweaks to the cover. It also looks a lot nicer, thanks to a little program called Vellum.

Traditionally I format for print using Word, and for ebook using a program called Jutoh. There’s nothing wrong with either, but I’m a huge fan of simple and intuitive. As I write this, I have approved the interior file, and ordered test copies. The plan is to relaunch on its anniversary, February 21st, but it will be a quiet affair. I wanted this effort to bring it to the level I had hoped for it initially. It’s never too late to be better.

If you want to learn more about Vellum, click here.

In other news… Into the Storm is officially in the copy edit stage. If I haven’t upset my editor too much, it should be ready for another pass soon. The cover is coming together, and I’m excited for the final product. The launch. Is planned for April, and it’s a little weird being so far ahead of schedule, but we have an ambitious launch plan so. I know we will need all the time we can get.

My focus for the moment is going through and making revisions to Surviving the Storm. I haven’t looked at it in a while, not really since I chopped the first 2,000 words or so after I realized it wasn’t starting in the right place. I thought it was in pretty good shape, that opinion quickly changed. As you can see, there is a lot of red pen to deal with, or in the case of the first few pages, a lot of pencil.

It’s daunting, but I know I’ll get through it. I need to, I’ve been working on this book for almost three years now, and I’m ready to move on to any one of the eight other projects that I have in the queue. I know I’ll be proud of it, but it’s a moment in time. To some extent I’m ready to show how I’ve grown, how I’m better as a writer.

Shane

Star Wars, Christmas, and a Touch of Book Depression

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December is historically a busy month, and this year was no exception. It didn’t help that I started a new job in October, and that meant no vacation days to take a break from the mayhem. I know, poor me…

A highlight for me was seeing Star Wars: The Last Jedi on opening night. It was a bit of a last-minute decision, I thought it would be tough to get tickets, little did I know that we would be sitting in a theatre less than a third full. While it may have been bad for the theatre (people really need to put more effort into supporting local businesses), it was good for this burnt out introvert.

True to form, I started blubbering as soon as the title screen started rolling. Don’t worry, nobody noticed. I think… Star Wars has been a part of my life for pretty much as long as I can remember, and as silly as it might be to some, it’s a pretty big deal for me. This being the end of the original story arc made it even more powerful. Plus, it introduced me to my new spirit animal (or droid, as the case may be).

Soon after, sleigh bells were ringing, and reindeer were flying. As odd as it may seem, Christmas Day was my only day of respite during the busy and stressful time. After the arrival of our first-born, we decided that the day would be just for us and the kids. No rushing through our morning and driving all over the country, only to sit in a cramped and noisy space wondering when if it was time to go home yet. Instead, we open presents, make a nice breakfast, and then relax for the rest of the day. It was wonderful, and Ruby the anxiety dog didn’t mind either.

New Year’s Eve was a long day. I had to head out of town on a last-minute trip for work. By the time I got home I’d covered almost 500 kilometres. I was beat, but we had plans. I walked in the door, got changed, and then it was time to walk back out again. As a family, we endured aluminum bleachers in slightly below freezing temperatures to watch the New Year’s Eve fireworks. I have to admit, it was pretty exciting.

After the show had concluded, we waited for the parking lot to clear, then stopped to pick up dinner (mmmm, Popeye’s) and went home for the rest of the night. My head hit the pillow at 12:11am. It was just enough for me to give 2019 the finger on its way out, and very nicely ask 2020 to take it easy on me. It’s been a tough year, but then, I believe a lot of you out there might understand that. Let’s just say, I’m done with it. I give up. I surrender.

Anyway, on to the books. That’s got to be better, right?

Right?

On December 8th I was a part of a “Meet the Author” day, hosted by Homegrown House + Pantry Inc in Airdrie. They are a champion of the “buy local” movement, and I was very proud to have been invited. It gave me the chance to catch up with other local authors, talk a little business, and get my ugly mug in front of potential customers.

The best part, we all got to do a reading that was live streamed on Facebook, an opportunity I’ve never had before! Of course, I chose to read one of my weirder stories. I always worry how they’re going to be taken but was pleasantly surprised at the end when I looked up and saw a lot of smiling faces staring back at me.

This, dear reader, is pretty much where the fun ends.

The process of writing and the business of publishing has been causing more hurt feelings than happy ones lately. The week before Christmas, something in my brain snapped. The hurt and the disappointment was too much, so I packed everything up and shoved it in a closet. I’m not kidding, books, marketing and reference materials, pencils, and note pads. I needed a break, and this was the only way I could make it work. Deep down, I knew it would be temporary. If I had been slightly less dramatic, that fact might have filtered down to the people around me. Unfortunately, it didn’t, and the act caused problems of its own. In the end though, I’m glad it happened. It only took a week before my mind started running again. Ideas for stories came, and the drive to get things done did as well. That being said, I could tell that the freight train that would normally be barreling down the tracks at full tilt had eased up a little. I seem to have found a slower, more reasonable gear. I want my deadlines to be more reasonable, and to be able to manage the workload without making me and the people around me miserable.

So, here’s what the next few months are going to look like. I’m going to work on being a better writer. Hopefully, these will help.

Instead of putting out a new short, short story compilation. I want to beef up the existing compilation and tweak the cover and format to make it the best it can be. I want to take a couple of my unpublished stories and set them aside for the purpose of submitting for publication. It’s not because I’m after exposure, but I honestly believe the process will help me DO BETTER.

The Storm series is still moving along, but I’ve pushed the first installment back to April. This will give us time to make the finished product as polished as our current skill set allows, and to test out some new promotion ideas. I hope you stay tuned for more.

That’s all for now, friends. Happy New Year! I wish the best of everything for you in the months to come. Here’s a spoopy ghost for no other reason than you’re wonderful.

Shane