Shane Kroetsch

Dark and Introspective Fiction

Shane

Star Wars, Christmas, and a Touch of Book Depression

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December is historically a busy month, and this year was no exception. It didn’t help that I started a new job in October, and that meant no vacation days to take a break from the mayhem. I know, poor me…

A highlight for me was seeing Star Wars: The Last Jedi on opening night. It was a bit of a last-minute decision, I thought it would be tough to get tickets, little did I know that we would be sitting in a theatre less than a third full. While it may have been bad for the theatre (people really need to put more effort into supporting local businesses), it was good for this burnt out introvert.

True to form, I started blubbering as soon as the title screen started rolling. Don’t worry, nobody noticed. I think… Star Wars has been a part of my life for pretty much as long as I can remember, and as silly as it might be to some, it’s a pretty big deal for me. This being the end of the original story arc made it even more powerful. Plus, it introduced me to my new spirit animal (or droid, as the case may be).

Soon after, sleigh bells were ringing, and reindeer were flying. As odd as it may seem, Christmas Day was my only day of respite during the busy and stressful time. After the arrival of our first-born, we decided that the day would be just for us and the kids. No rushing through our morning and driving all over the country, only to sit in a cramped and noisy space wondering when if it was time to go home yet. Instead, we open presents, make a nice breakfast, and then relax for the rest of the day. It was wonderful, and Ruby the anxiety dog didn’t mind either.

New Year’s Eve was a long day. I had to head out of town on a last-minute trip for work. By the time I got home I’d covered almost 500 kilometres. I was beat, but we had plans. I walked in the door, got changed, and then it was time to walk back out again. As a family, we endured aluminum bleachers in slightly below freezing temperatures to watch the New Year’s Eve fireworks. I have to admit, it was pretty exciting.

After the show had concluded, we waited for the parking lot to clear, then stopped to pick up dinner (mmmm, Popeye’s) and went home for the rest of the night. My head hit the pillow at 12:11am. It was just enough for me to give 2019 the finger on its way out, and very nicely ask 2020 to take it easy on me. It’s been a tough year, but then, I believe a lot of you out there might understand that. Let’s just say, I’m done with it. I give up. I surrender.

Anyway, on to the books. That’s got to be better, right?

Right?

On December 8th I was a part of a “Meet the Author” day, hosted by Homegrown House + Pantry Inc in Airdrie. They are a champion of the “buy local” movement, and I was very proud to have been invited. It gave me the chance to catch up with other local authors, talk a little business, and get my ugly mug in front of potential customers.

The best part, we all got to do a reading that was live streamed on Facebook, an opportunity I’ve never had before! Of course, I chose to read one of my weirder stories. I always worry how they’re going to be taken but was pleasantly surprised at the end when I looked up and saw a lot of smiling faces staring back at me.

This, dear reader, is pretty much where the fun ends.

The process of writing and the business of publishing has been causing more hurt feelings than happy ones lately. The week before Christmas, something in my brain snapped. The hurt and the disappointment was too much, so I packed everything up and shoved it in a closet. I’m not kidding, books, marketing and reference materials, pencils, and note pads. I needed a break, and this was the only way I could make it work. Deep down, I knew it would be temporary. If I had been slightly less dramatic, that fact might have filtered down to the people around me. Unfortunately, it didn’t, and the act caused problems of its own. In the end though, I’m glad it happened. It only took a week before my mind started running again. Ideas for stories came, and the drive to get things done did as well. That being said, I could tell that the freight train that would normally be barreling down the tracks at full tilt had eased up a little. I seem to have found a slower, more reasonable gear. I want my deadlines to be more reasonable, and to be able to manage the workload without making me and the people around me miserable.

So, here’s what the next few months are going to look like. I’m going to work on being a better writer. Hopefully, these will help.

Instead of putting out a new short, short story compilation. I want to beef up the existing compilation and tweak the cover and format to make it the best it can be. I want to take a couple of my unpublished stories and set them aside for the purpose of submitting for publication. It’s not because I’m after exposure, but I honestly believe the process will help me DO BETTER.

The Storm series is still moving along, but I’ve pushed the first installment back to April. This will give us time to make the finished product as polished as our current skill set allows, and to test out some new promotion ideas. I hope you stay tuned for more.

That’s all for now, friends. Happy New Year! I wish the best of everything for you in the months to come. Here’s a spoopy ghost for no other reason than you’re wonderful.

Shane

Dream – Raven

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I remember the waves as they broke along the rocky shore. The sting of the spray and the taste of salt on the cool breeze. The sun just a muted orb nearing the horizon against a sky of grey slate. It was like watching a muted television, but at the same time being inside the picture.

I stood as naked as the day I was born, keeping my delicate bits covered with my hands. Apparently, I’m self-conscious, even in dreams. My toes dug in the sand and the grit worked itself deep in between.

A weight occupied the back of my mind. Like something needed to be said, but I wasn’t the one with the idea. It fought to break through as the waves in front of me slowed until they froze. Fine mist hung in the air, and sea foam strung the length of the shore like dreary cotton candy.

Movement above me caught my attention. A raven circled in a tight, lumbering arc. At what altitude it was impossible to say. It almost seemed I could reach out and hold it in my hand, but at the same time it grazed the stratosphere and would eclipse a jumbo jet.

The sensation in my skull became urgent, frantic even. I caught a glint in the raven’s eye. It focused on me as it made one final lap, then set a course toward the open sea. The pressure in my head eased, and then along with the raven, it disappeared.

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Photo by sajjad aslani on Unsplash

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Tattoo Fever and News About Books

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It’s been ten years since my last tattoo. I’m pretty particular, so it shouldn’t come as a shock that it took something pretty important for me to head in for a new one, or in this case, three things that made a huge impact on me this year. This is a bit of a long story. Hold on tight.

Initially the plan was to have each of the elements stand on their own. I had a hard time deciding where to place them and which one I would get first. That’s when the idea came to mash them all together. The image of a messy desk stuck in my brain, so I printed everything out and started ripping up paper. I reached out to an amazing local artist for a consult, and soon enough the appointment was booked. If you’re in Airdrie, I highly recommend checking out Danica with Human Kanvas. I gave her a couple scraps of paper and a lot of trust, and she gave me something to be proud of.

I talked about my plans and introduction to self-publishing last month. The process was stressful, but it showed me how wonderful it can be to spread your creative wings. With all of the good feelings still front and centre, I talked my best friend into helping me take my publishing company Pencil on Paper (insert hyperlink) and grow it into something more. Now we offer services to help writers bring their own dreams to life. It’s been a rollercoaster ride, and perhaps the tattoo was a little premature, but even if this goes no further it’s been one of the biggest experiences of my life, so that’s why the PoP logo is right up top.

Do better comes next. It became a near daily reminder that we all can do better, and it’s something we should all be aspiring to. It doesn’t matter how far along you think you are, how good you think you are, there’s always room to do better. While writing it out myself would make sense, I really wanted someone special to write it out for me. Long story short, because there’s a lot going on behind the scenes with this that I don’t feel it necessary to share, I reached out to an artist, singer-songwriter seems too simple a term, that I am a huge fan of. The idea came to me, and it was just crazy enough to give it a shot. You only live once, right? I reached out, and they graciously obliged. I still feel weird about it, because I’m weird and why wouldn’t I feel strange about asking a public figure for something?

So it goes is on the bottom. I typed it out on my 80-year-old Remington portable typewriter. Kurt Vonnegut wrote it originally, and used it to what I feel is great effect in his novel Slaughterhouse Five. The last two years have not been easy on a personal level. It’s been a time filled with loss and conflict, sometimes brought on by the very things that are supposed to bring happiness. We’re constantly put into situations to learn a lesson, but the path isn’t always easy. It’s up to meet the challenge, or not. Life gets in the way of your dreams. People leave. Hearts are broken. Nothing is forever. So it goes.

The finished product.

Now it’s time to talk about all the books that I made mention of last month.

The opening novella in The Storm series will be off to final edit in two weeks. Then it will be time to format the interior and finish up the cover. It seems rushed, and it is, but it’s necessary so that we have enough time to proof and order test copies before launch in February.

This time around I’m looking to try something new with distribution. I distributed This and That through Ingram Spark and have few complaints. The plan for The Storm is still bubbling away in my brain, but at the moment what I want is to launch the ebook on Kindle Unlimited, and print a limited run of paperbacks for local shows and give-aways.

As if there’s not enough going on, we’re also about to launch a new short, short story compilation. It’s titled More of the Other, and if it’s not apparent, is an add-on to This and That but Mostly the Other. Would you like a copy of the new compilation for free? I’m going to send the file to anyone who subscribes to blog notifications here. If that’s not your thing, click the contact link in the header or send me a message through Twitter or Facebook (scroll down for links) and tell me what your favourite story is from This and That, and I’ll still send it along to you. Haven’t read This and That but Mostly the Other? It’s available for only $0.99 on Kindle and Kobo! You can find the links here.

Until next time…


Shane

Just a Bad Dream

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My whole body flinches and my eyes open to dim, grey light.

Sasha half rolls toward me. “You okay?”

“Yeah.” I clear my throat and force my breath to slow. “No. Bad dream.”

She rolls all the way over and tucks the sheets under her chin. “What happened?”

Shadows weave across the ceiling as a car drives by outside. My chest is tight, and I draw in the air that my body is calling out for. “What was going on in the background isn’t important. Something about a weird old car and a joyride. It was the look you gave me at the end that woke me up. Maybe it was out of embarrassment, or because you were ashamed of something. Then you wouldn’t talk to me or look at me. You just stared at your hands. I didn’t know what else to do, so I walked away. It hurt. A lot.”

Sasha brushes her hair behind her ear. “But it’s not real. It was just a dream.”

“The way it made me feel is real, and that’s the problem. I don’t think it would be affecting me this way if there wasn’t something behind it.”

“So, that’s it. You think I’ve done something wrong?”

“That’s not what I meant.”

“What did you mean, then?”

“I don’t know.”

Sasha moves away from me. “Great.”

I turn my head to her. “Don’t be like that. I know it was only a dream. I…”

She adjusts herself, sinking deeper into her pillow.

“Sorry. I didn’t mean to cause a problem.”

When her voice comes, it’s timid and quiet. “It’s okay. I’m sorry for getting upset. I understand, how the feelings can linger.”

“Yeah.”

Sasha rolls back toward me and props herself up on one elbow. Her eyes are clear and her breath warm. She leans in and kisses my cheek, then looks away, like she did in the dream. “I’ve got to get ready for work.”

She pushes the sheets back and swings her legs to the floor. I watch her silhouette move to the bathroom and disappear behind the closed door.

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Photo by Zach Guinta on Unsplash

An Off-Grid Cabin and Too Many Books

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This past September I did something I’ve been meaning to do for a long time, I rented a cabin to get away for a couple nights, all by myself. This may not seem like a big deal to some, but it was a huge deal for me.

The reasons it was a big deal are many. It really comes down to the fact that the last year or so has been tough when it comes to work and family obligations, and I’m terrible at taking care of myself. I had to make a decision to put myself first. The thing is, much like everything I do, I went a little overboard.

I started by searching for a small place that was out of the way. Not much was catching my eye, until something did. Searching through Airbnb I found an ad for an off-grid cabin in the middle of a field. Perfect! So, I signed up, which was a whole process in itself, and started planning for my stay. This is when I started to second guess what the hell I’d gotten myself into… There would be no electricity, and only a wood burning stove for heat and to prepare meals. Luckily I booked a couple days before the first nights of below freezing temperatures so at least I would have running water!

The big day arrived, so I loaded up my cooler and writing gear, then hit the road. It only took about an hour to arrive, and it was easy enough to find. I will say that driving through a pasture in a car with near bald summer tires was fun.

I tucked the car in behind the gate because I was told if I didn’t the horses would eat bits off of it. After a quick look around, I hauled all of my things inside and settled in.

It was a really interesting space, but I truly knew it was meant to be when I found a creepy Thomas in the windowsill. I’ll give you a hint, it’s because I’m known as a freight train. More on this later.

It took a bit to learn the ins and outs of cooking on a wood burning stove, but I managed to finish dinner before I starved to death.

The rest of my first evening was spent reading and writing by battery powered lantern.

Two things became clear that night. Being able to see twice as many stars in the sky as you do in the city is inspiring and something I need more of. The second is that walking across a pitch black yard to get to the outhouse is even less fun than you would imagine. I also slept like a damned baby. It was wonderful.

The next day was spent killing flies, not writing as much as I had hoped, but reading and napping a lot more than I thought I would.

Even though I had no other distractions, the day passed quicker than I thought it would. Soon enough the sun was dipping below the hills, and it was time once again to exist in the dark.

Unfortunately the second night I didn’t sleep nearly as well. Likely because of the nine hours of sleep and three hours of naps from the day before. I was up with the sun, had a simple breakfast, then started cleaning up to go home. To be honest, I was a little sad to be leaving, but I needed to get back to my responsibilities. As I crept down the ruts to the gravel road, I said goodbye to the horses, then made my way home.

For almost two full days I did not see a single other human being. It was exquisite! I’m about as introverted as they come, and I don’t remember the last time I was alone for more than a few hours. I very much look forward to doing it again one day. If you’d like a link to the listing, send me a note and I’d be happy to share it.

Okay, let’s talk about books.

Earlier I mentioned that I am sometimes lovingly referred to as a freight train. I hope it’s lovingly anyway… Once I start in on something, especially creative projects, it takes a lot to slow me down. And so, please allow me to introduce you to my plans for 2020.

Three years ago I started writing my first novel. It stalled in the early stages, it sat for a while, then eventually I came around and got it finished. By finished, I mean I had a shitty first draft. The original plan was to publish a collection of short stories and the novel by the end of 2018. That turned into publishing the collection in February of 2019, and putting the novel off for a future date. Sometimes life gets in the way and sometimes publishing books is more work than you think.

Let’s flash forward to August of 2019. I thought the novel was in pretty good shape. That is until I spent the weekend at the When Words Collide festival. I learned a lot, maybe too much for my simple brain to absorb, but when I walked away I knew I needed to make some big changes.

It started by cutting two chapters worth of words from the beginning, and a few other small tweaks. Where it ended up was with a plan to write a novella as an intro, and one as a finale. This is in addition to a graphic novel that I’m proud to be creating with my business parter and best friend which we plan to have available for next Christmas. So, yeah. I’m publishing four books next year…

This year I was given a unique opportunity to focus on catching up on life and to get a lot of writing done. Whether I succeeded in either, we’re on track to release Into the Storm early in 2020. Two months later, Surviving the Storm will come. Two months after that, we will release Chasing the Storm. I have some fun extras in between too. By fun, I mean dark. Then the focus will be on Beyond the Divide, finishing novel number two, and getting started on novel number three. I know it won’t be easy, but I have to take my shot. Everyone deserves to go after their dreams, and I don’t want to let my chance slip by.

Until next month, take care friends.

Shane

Welcome

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I started my first blog, writingmywayoutofhere.wordpress.com, in 2015. The premise was simple, I wanted a place to share my stories with the world. For the last few years, that’s exactly what it’s allowed me to do. It also helped to keep me motivated, and give me enough confidence to publish my first book in 2019. As with all things, there comes a time when you need to grow and evolve, and that’s exactly what I’m hoping the new website and blog will allow.

Here is what you can expect. I’m going to start sharing. This is not something, historically speaking, that I’m good at. Not for any particular reason other than I tend to keep things to myself. That being said, it’s time to step up and do better.

Once or twice a month I’ll post a short story to remind you of what I do. I’ll also include a behind the scenes look at the business of writing, and give you some insight into who I am.

If you’ve already subscribed, thank you! If you’d like to, scroll down to the bottom of the page to input your first name and email address, that’s all it takes. If two or three emails a month is too much, or just not your thing, you can keep an eye on my Twitter and Instagram accounts for updates as well.

This is going to be fun. I hope you enjoy the ride.

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