It’s been eleven months since I last posted any sort of update. Part of the reason is that I’ve had too much happening in my personal life to focus on the business of writing as much as I would like. The other part is that, even though I’m the writer, finding the words to express the drastic changes I have experienced since the beginning of the year isn’t easy. I’m finally going to give it my best shot.
This has been a year of letting go.
I let go of the belief that suffering is the best way to deal with a broken relationship. This led my marriage of seventeen and a half years to end in January. With the turn of two calendar pages, everything flipped upside down and inside out. Possessions were divided, the house sold. While the chaotic real estate market was navigated, I was grateful to have a roof over my head, but it wasn’t a home. That situation helped me to let go of pre-conceived concepts around what home and family means or must be.
This has been a year of holding on.
Holding onto the belief that living an authentic life, being open and honest, is the way. It makes a messy and complicated world lighter. It gives everyone around you permission to do the same. I’ve seen the harm the alternatives bring, both to myself, and the people I love. It’s been a year of holding onto my relationship with my boys, focusing on it in ways that I should have long ago. On good days I see hope growing out of the pain. Because it’s me, never being completely sure if it will last, but trying with every ounce of my being to make sure that it does.
I knew this year wouldn’t look anywhere near the same at the end as it did when it started, but there have been surprises. Then again, with two months left until we proclaim the arrival of a new year, I know the changes I’ve seen are only the beginning. Seeds are being planted. Work is happening in the background, slow and steady. I normally move at the speed of a runaway freight train, and there will always be a time to hustle, but I understand now better than ever how important balance is. It allows for the possibility of a future worth looking forward to. One last thing to hold onto, then.
Thank you for following along. Until next time, I hope you are well.